Part Three, About Jose and the Rainbow.
I left off with my description of the first Zikr experience I had during the Royalston seminar with Jose and the Camp Caravan group. The first Zikr was one of approximately twelve Zikr practices that we shared as a group over an 8 or so day period of time. In addition to Zikr, other members of the group led morning exercises (various types of meditation), Jose and some others shared the leading of Gurdjieff’s Movements (I’ll tell you more about that practice another time!), everyone took turns helping the group with cooking, cleaning, working on construction, gardening, and more. Some members of the group were incredibly generous with their time, to offer to take care of my girls once Hubby and Teen Friend had departed, so that I could attend activities. Another group member found a local teen babysitter to come and help out, too. Everything flowed. I was not tired, fried, burnt out, in the least. I could participate in everything, and still help my girls with eating, bathing, playing, sleeping. There was even time to just sit alone in a field of grass and gaze out at all of the beauty, and myself basking in it. Again, coming from the previous year that I now say, “Took a toll on me,” it was a miracle that I was suddenly capable of doing so much, and at a level of alive-ness that I thought was a distant memory. Mir-A-Cull.
So it was a great week. Phenomenal. Many, many other participants also seemed to have an amazing experience, and I grew very close to quite a few of these awesome folks. We saw each other. We were awake together, experiencing the simplicity of doing dishes or the mystical magic of sitting in a Zikr circle together. I feel forever connected to Camp Caravan and the community there.
As the week came close to ending, I began to think about my return to my “normal world,” where, just a week before, I was a spiritually, physically, emotionally fried Mommy. I wanted to get a foothold onto the life and energy I had gained during the seminar, and never go back down so far again, into the depths of despairing exhaustion.
Our final Zikr came on the last evening of the seminar. Each Zikr had been unique and special for me, and somehow each time, there were similar flavors, and also it varied. Once it was a struggle, like climbing a mountain together to finally reach our destiny of divine connection to God. It was a mini movie of living life, with all of its challenges and ultimate joy. Another time it was utter celebration and joy and ecstatic praise for all that is here, wondrous and perfect, and worth shouting and drumming and beating our hands together for. The final night was also special, in that we participated in a Sufi ceremony that I can only describe as an honorable, deep expression of thanks, gratitude, and – good-bye, for the moment, to the dear friends we had sat with.
Everyone was deeply touched, it was clear. We slowly gathered ourselves together after the final Zikr, and began to walk quietly back to the main house for dinner. To our left, we all witnessed – truly – the most incredible rainbow in the sky. It was a complete archway, thick and solid from one side of the Earth to the other. It was a doorway. For me, since I’d been feeling that Rainbow Spectrum of Emotion theme all week long, it was a personal calling. (I don’t mean that in a narcissistic way – that rainbow was for everyone, for sure – but there was something about it being exactly as my description of Zikr had been, that I felt was both a personal call and a response.) In other words, in the state I was in, I understood that for me, I was being told that my experience indeed was a gift from above, and now I had a responsibility – an obligation – to do something with this gift I had received. (Just as a side-note, that rainbow was so cool that the local paper took a photo of it and published it on their front page the next day! You don’t see rainbows like that just any old day.) I had an obligation to follow up somehow; to take my gift and continue forward. I had a responsibility to not just go home and fall back down into my dreary slumbering ways.
I understood clearly that I had an obligation to respond to the divine gift I had received, but I wasn’t exactly sure how that was meant to play out. So I went to Jose the next morning, and asked to talk to him. The seminar was ending soon. I needed some bread crumbs to keep my path seen, to not completely lose my way again.
I said to Jose, “Do you remember at the beginning of the week how I said that the Zikr is an Emotional Rainbow? And then the rainbow last night after our final Zikr? (he remembered) This has been so powerful and strong for me, I feel that I am being called, and I have an obligation to respond. But I also feel that I need help with this somehow. What can I do? What can you give me to somehow carry forward this gift, and to not fall so far down?”
To be continued….again…thank you for bearing with the parts! love to you all xoxo