January 9, 2015: How Will I Find You?

As we prepare for the upcoming seminar at the farm led by Jose, many details begin to hit me:  How will I be able to stay in touch with YOU?  How will I be able to write and send out blog posts?  My aim is to try to send something at least once a week, and ideally twice a week.  During the intensive seminar, most likely I will not leave the farm at all for several weeks.  Internet at the farm is kind of like gambling:  It’s a roll of the dice – sometimes you win and sometimes you lose.  There can be periods of time where the internet is available and fast, and other times where I am unable to get on at all.

I was thinking of this in the middle of the night a couple nights ago, wedged between Sofia and Michelle, after Michelle rolled off the bed onto her face, “Splat”-like, just like in an old-fashioned cartoon with those old-fashioned sounds.  (We’d made great strides in their sleeping in their own, big girl beds in their own big girl bedroom but there was a recent regression due to Sofia throwing up all the way home after an idyllic series of days at the beach.  Mistake:  Stopping for a quick lunch at a questionable cafe on the side of the road.  Anyway, she was miserable and Michelle was attuned and became miserable for her – “Sofia throw up…I throw up acckkk acckkk acckkk!” she faked over and over.  So Marin and I let them sleep with me so I could remain aware of any continued throw up sessions.)  (Now:  It’s been a good couple nights in a row that we’ve caved and the girls have remained glued to me in our nice big grown up bed, with the very upsetting exception of Michelle’s having rolled away and off onto the hard floor, resulting in my insomnia, checking her breathing and shining a flashlight in her eyes for signs of concussion and holding her pudgy little hand while she went back to sleep.  Thus the opportunity to unnecessarily ruminate about things such as how am I going to blog during the seminar.)

So:  One advantage of insomnia laden thought processes, is that they can be rather flowing and potentially creative.  Maybe this doesn’t make sense now in the daylight, but in the middle of the night, my thought was that I can try to summarize life off the grid during the seminar in Haiku poem form:  Just three lines, 5-7-5 syllables…and done!  Then I can somehow at least get onto my email once in a while and send my ever present, loyal Organizer Friend Lisa (www.yourorganizedlife.biz) the haiku and she can come on to offthegridmama and post it for me!  Or maybe if my haiku poems are really sucking, now that I examine this thought in the light of day, I can alternatively send a short, non-Haiku form paragraph for her to post.  Depending on my state of Haiku poetic ability of the moment.

Anyway, if you suddenly either hear nothing from me at all for awhile, OR start receiving strangely brief Haiku or short thoughts in comparison to my rambling tendencies, you’ll know why.  Seminar in full swing.

I’m wondering the same thing about keeping up with my business attempts to reach out to groups and people for our EcoRetreatsDR business.  I’m going to talk to Lisa more about this challenge; I’m sure she has many more organized ideas than my trying to Haiku reply to a business query in the middle of the night from my window during the seminar:  I can just imagine what someone at “Women’s Self Defense Seminar” might think of me if I responded,

“Oh War-yar woman.

My swift reply will arrive.

For now, calmest pause.”

The retreat organizer probably won’t “get” that I’m working with Haiku 5-7-5 syllables from a window sill during an intensive Fourth Way seminar.  If I’m lucky, they’ll embrace the “calmest pause” part and wait for my more long-winded, not so swift reply as soon as I can figure out how to reply.

So in relationship to offthegridmama:  Here’s the deal:

“How will I find you?

In your search, faithful reader.

I seek you;  find you.”

You’re too important to me on this journey to forsake you now.  I’ll be here, in one form or another.  As ever, you cannot know how grateful I am that you are here, too.  For everyone, may we embrace and send out peace, love, happiness, health, safety and goodness.  Everyone. xoxo

2 thoughts on “January 9, 2015: How Will I Find You?

  1. I’m not getting this.
    Are you imprisoned there and unable to get away so you can get to the cafe to post?
    What exactly does this “seminatr” entail that you are so worried about losing touch with us??
    “Not leave ….for several weeks”
    Now I’m worried.

  2. Anthony:) You know what? Yes, you read right – some parts of me feel very trapped here, I’m a prisoner to the habit of comfort in my Modern American Life. Regarding the seminar itself, there’s no imprisonment involved – some people are coming for 4 days, some are staying for 3 full weeks, though you can leave if you want. I want – hope – to stay at the farm for the full, daily experience of sitting exercises, movements, zikr, practical work, group themes and study, etc. My choice. But it is a big commitment to the parts of me that like to go out to get groceries, get on to fast speed internet at the cafe and do whatever I do on the computer. In my house at the farm, if I stand in one corner of one window, I can usually manage to get a signal on my iphone to the extent of checking my email and sending. But rarely can I get onto a website, post on my blog, etc. One building across from our house has occasional decent access, and for the upcoming seminar, Jose is trying to get some kind of booster that might help speed up the internet which would be great. But depending on my state of acceptance and relaxation, there are days – or insomnia nights – when I feel frustrated with the lack of modern conveniences. Overall, I feel that the benefits far outweigh my American Girl frustrations. But yeah, sometimes the American Girl in me is pissed!
    As far as anyone external to me, keeping me imprisoned here – there is no one but myself who keeps me here. And no one but me who makes this either a transcendent experience or frustrating one. It’s my responsibility and work to embrace all that is, off the grid. LOVE to you and appreciate both your concern and awareness. xoxo

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