Hello hello:) Several layers of things going on. As others who have dealt with health challenges well understand, my healing is at or near the forefront of almost everything I do. An alert, instinctive part of me continually assesses my energy level, what remains in the day to attend to, how many hours of energy Sofia and Michelle still have in them, where Marin may need to go and how soon. I return to a Gastroenterologist tomorrow to report that I’ve finished the latest course of medication and still struggle with tummy upset symptoms. However, I AM better than I was two weeks ago, so I take that as a fabulous sign toward perfect health. In fact, my mantra right now is “I am strong and healthy…I AM strong and healthy…I am strong and healthy…” This is Truth in the making.
Intertwined with the healing journey are the many pieces of our new life in California slowly moving together into a form, taking the shape of a new life. Sofia and Michelle are now both in school and they love it – the other children and the atmosphere of joy, play and learning are great for them. We moved into our new home on Sunday, and Michelle asked, “Is this a new hotel?” and when I told Sofia we were very close to her school now, she said, “What is the new school going to be like? Do they speak Spanish there or English?” She didn’t understand it was the same school she had been attending for two weeks. Gradually, it began to sink in that “This is our new home! And the school you go to is only five minutes drive from here! We’re home, girls! This is where you can unpack your toys..this is where we are going to put your clothes…”
I have many images of roots. Whether we will be able to stay long term in this home or short term, to reach down and root in to this area in general, to create home and some length of time in familiar places feels right. From Off The Grid to Root Down and Ground.
When I begin to look at a picture bigger than what is right in front of me (the complicated paperwork mess of health care…job prospects..my hopes to continue building EcoRetreats…dwindling savings…how can we juggle X, Y, Z…) I can see the anxiety and fear begin to rise up. It’s best to take it all one step at a time. Always, but especially when one has a lot on the list. For today, we are unpacking, admiring a lovely view of hillsides and water from our window, and letting you all know: I am here, I am moving into my perfect health, we are all very well as a family.
The beach and ocean here are wild and completely different than the Dominican aqua warm waters we have left behind. Yet both are incredible gifts of nature. Here we drove to Muir Beach, with large outcroppings of rock, and ocean so cold that Sofia ran back crying from the aching on her feet after playing too long. The power of the waves..the sign that warns this is a potential rogue wave and tsunami area…sweatshirts wrapped around us…more fierce in its beauty than the softness of the Caribbean we left behind. I know this beach, I’ve walked my old dog high above its cliffs many, many times when I used to live here about 9 or so years ago.
Memories were overlapping me in the present moment as I walked with Michelle and Sofia to inspect an important rock on the other end of the beach. The girls were excited to explore and show me everything: “Mommy, look, I can jump…Mommy, watch me climb this!…Mommy, look at this shell, is it a crab?…let’s make a castle…let’s pretend this is a sand cake, mmmm, eat it, eat it…let’s run back to Papa and show him the crab claw, run run!”
Sofia ran ahead, and Michelle and I loped along easily from behind. I let Michelle get ahead of me and shouted, “You’re so fast! You’re so fast!” while she laughed and wobbled over the sand. Something in me understood: I had to leave to go make my family. Marin and I went out from California and made our own life together and created our family. We’ve been on a fabulous adventure, through years in Virginia, Massachusetts and most recently our tropical rainforest farm off the grid.
And for now, for this moment, we’ve returned. With two sparkling, leaping, curious, resilient, remarkable daughters by our sides. We’ll see what roots grow down, we’ll see what magic sprouts up. Everything is just beginning again and I’m up for the ride.
To Every Beautiful One, May we all be filled with peace, love, happiness, health, safety and goodness. Every one. xoxo